in every aspect, whether it comes to feelings about "that" to going on an audtion. I have anxiety about it. Why? Because I have a HUGE fear of rejection.
It all roots from my be still seeing myself as the way I was 10 years. You'd think that almost a decade and over 265 lbs later this would not be the case, well IT'S NOT, IT'S A BITCH. (Mikie that was for you).
Long story short most of you know what I'm talking about when I say "that", if you don't ask and if want to tell you I will. What has manifested this fear of rejection is the audition I went on yesterday. Well I didn't get cast and I am more upset about it than I should be. I didn't even get a callback. So, what was me sticking my foot back in the pool of auditioning has turned into me pulling that foot out and running away again. Will I get over it? And go back do it again? Only time will tell.
This pretty much sums up my feelings about it all.....
Showing posts with label acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label acceptance. Show all posts
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Life is like....
A sliding glass door, you never know which side is open...and then you run into the screen. Just a quick hand count, how many of you thought I was going to say chocolate? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
Because it's true you can be going along just fine and dandy and them BAM you run into the fucking screen. That's pretty much where I've been the past. Running into the screen on a daily basis. With just about everything. I said yesterday in a post that Acceptance is the key. It's so true it's not funny.
Today, I've accepted it. Reached out for help with what I needed help, got what I needed help with. The rest of it I had to turn over to Elaine and let her have it. A lot of stuff went into that box, a few people, a few situations and a LOT OF FEELINGS.
In other news, as most of you know I dipped my big toe back in the acting pool with a role in Drama Queens that closed at the end of March. I didn't know how it was going to be :"acting" again. I thought I had moved on past the "being an actor" thing. Well, I had so much fun. As a good friend said, once you get back out there that urge will come back. She was so right. It's back and I'm ready to dip my foot in the pool again. I've scheduled an Audition for Oklahoma City Rep's production of Larry Kramer's THE NORMAL HEART! If you don't know this show, you should! It is an amazing in your face piece of theatre about the early day of the AIDS epidemic in NYC.
So there we are. Watch out for those screen doors, they will get you every time.
Because it's true you can be going along just fine and dandy and them BAM you run into the fucking screen. That's pretty much where I've been the past. Running into the screen on a daily basis. With just about everything. I said yesterday in a post that Acceptance is the key. It's so true it's not funny.
Today, I've accepted it. Reached out for help with what I needed help, got what I needed help with. The rest of it I had to turn over to Elaine and let her have it. A lot of stuff went into that box, a few people, a few situations and a LOT OF FEELINGS.
In other news, as most of you know I dipped my big toe back in the acting pool with a role in Drama Queens that closed at the end of March. I didn't know how it was going to be :"acting" again. I thought I had moved on past the "being an actor" thing. Well, I had so much fun. As a good friend said, once you get back out there that urge will come back. She was so right. It's back and I'm ready to dip my foot in the pool again. I've scheduled an Audition for Oklahoma City Rep's production of Larry Kramer's THE NORMAL HEART! If you don't know this show, you should! It is an amazing in your face piece of theatre about the early day of the AIDS epidemic in NYC.
So there we are. Watch out for those screen doors, they will get you every time.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Acceptance was the answer....
It's been a while, since the "blog heard 'round the world". I needed to take a break from it and come up with another angle. So here we are, me talking about ME and what's going on with ME. Lord I sound like an actor or an alcoholic. You choose.
Todays topic shall be acceptance.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."
It's been said to me that your high power will always give you something you need to practice. Well, in the past few weeks she has been making acceptance that theme. From my "lay off" to my "love life" and everything in between. Funny thing is I didn't realize this until this morning when I was doing my meditation. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.
So here we are, me "accepting" the situation and realizing am powerless over everything...except my itunes. I can control what music I want to listen to.
Todays topic shall be acceptance.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."
It's been said to me that your high power will always give you something you need to practice. Well, in the past few weeks she has been making acceptance that theme. From my "lay off" to my "love life" and everything in between. Funny thing is I didn't realize this until this morning when I was doing my meditation. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.
So here we are, me "accepting" the situation and realizing am powerless over everything...except my itunes. I can control what music I want to listen to.
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